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Post by dezzhoudini on Feb 24, 2006 11:24:11 GMT
iv got the oportunity to move into a lovely house in leeds but it would mean leaving my kids here in birmingham, im not sure what to do as im still hurting to be so far away from them already, but if i dont go to leeds i might lose the chance to be with this realy special girl. my heads just spinning
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Post by Verminda Spirit on Feb 24, 2006 12:14:38 GMT
Dezzhoudini, Leeds is not that far away from Birmingham, you can always visit and if it doesn't work out you can come back....
What does your heart say?...What are the pros and Cons and do you really want to say ''What if'' one day if you decide not to go...We only get one chance at it and if it means you can be happy, go for it.....
Take yourself out into nature, somewhere quiet and safe and spend some time meditating on the issue, the answers will come....
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Post by seleena on Feb 24, 2006 13:59:32 GMT
I don't think I can word it better than what Earth Angel said. Your kids will be happier if you are happy. Children tend to think of things in terms of them. What did I do wrong, why does my dad dislike me, etc. If you are happy, even lliving a little further away if that is what you decide, they will be more secure and feel more loved. Kids are funny that way. They adjust. They are so flexible. You can do your kids a great justice in looking after the man that is their father.
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Post by watershield on Feb 24, 2006 22:36:04 GMT
Dezz there seems to be a great deal happening in your life, much of it connected with a lot of negative energy.
It looks as if you have an opportunity to start life fresh, with new people in a new place, and maybe that's what you need.
I think your ex, your kids, each others circle of friends and you all need a break for a while. I suggest that you and they make no attempt to contact each other for at least a month. After that, if you can come to some agreement on visitations great.
You've already started on the path to a new life. You have a new lady and her feelings to consider as well. You need to forget the past if you ever expect to move forward.
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Post by Ebony on Feb 25, 2006 6:27:43 GMT
Dezz, luv, heed the words of wisdom given here.
There has been a ton of anger dripping all over this forum and its unraveling people’s nerves. You did right, coming here to ask advice from people who will listen and NOT judge you as being right or wrong.
I’ve been through hell and back with a couple of my relationships so I can honestly say I understand what you are going through. If moving away to start a better life for yourself means not seeing your kids as often as you’d like, please, listen to your heart and go.
I am not familiar with your area, but how far is Leeds from Birmingham? Maybe 200km? To escape the negative crap from family and friends after my divorce I ended up moving from Colorado to Oregon, AND I left my kids behind – their choice – which was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The distance between Colorado and Oregon is 2,200 miles, approximately 3,540 km.
To save my sanity and find happiness, I chose to take care of myself first. Then I was better equipped to take care of my kids when they really needed me. And know what? They thank me today, not their father. I stayed positive with them even across the great distance that separated us; he still remains today, filled with anger and hate and my kids resent him for it.
Earth Angel, Seleena and Watershield all give good advice - listen and learn from them.
Love & Light E
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Post by spiritwalker on Feb 25, 2006 9:51:05 GMT
That is true - in that in order to be the best possible father to your children you have to first sort out your head - as how can one give the support and love that children need if you can give it yourself.
Make a new start become a new person - the person who you were meant to be - i'm sure your ex is doing the same and has not been in contact because of sorting out her own life.
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Post by dezzhoudini on Feb 26, 2006 17:12:13 GMT
i have decided against the move since i know ill be happier being closer to my kids and theirs the fact that i havnt really known this person long enough to just get up and move so far away, although we will still be seing eatch other and then see what happens in the future.
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Post by watershield on Feb 26, 2006 21:53:04 GMT
I believe that every person on this green earth has free will and ultimately it remains the individuals choice as to how they will walk the path of life.
I've gone back over your various posts and I feel that you are using those kids as an excuse for not getting on with your life. You say you are leaving your kids. No your not. They don't live with you. All your doing is adding some commuting time when you do come to visit.
You say if you don't go to leads you may loss this new girl, but then tell us that you haven't been seeing her for very long.
Dezz, in my opinion and for what it is worth, you would be making a mistake to stay in Birmingham. Sometimes regret is a tool that can build us up and become a strength. But if we let it turn into self pity it can be an anchor pulling us down into a dark sea of despair.
It's time to move on. Get away from those things that remind you of the pain. Stop using those kids as crutches and make a new start.
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Post by dezzhoudini on Feb 26, 2006 22:16:36 GMT
you do make a valid point and it would be one which i would have followed while i made most of my last posts, however i no longer feel pain in the way i used to and i feel i have already moved forward at the moment my life is hitting a very good crossroads but road im choosing is one that will make me happier, going to leeds might be bringing me closer to my girlfriend but taking me further away from all my family not just my boys. i dont need to leave to reep the fruits of my new life just stay and be thankfull of what i have already. no longer am i confused or bullied by the actions of others, only myself, i have made peace with the old me and now i only look fowards to what i want from my new life for however long it lasts. i am at peace with myself and look forward to every single day. and yes i do put this down to a lot of the advice i have gained here and although i am healed i will not be moving on and going elswhere but remaining to offer what i can to others.
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Post by watershield on Feb 26, 2006 22:23:24 GMT
I'm pleased for you Dezz I wish you well and every success.
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