Post by silence on Mar 13, 2008 1:30:52 GMT
I have had years and years of one after another- really rotten awful things happen to me. Accidents, disabilities, abuses, deaths and losses, poverty, living with a severely emotionally disabled child. I'm exhausted, and I just fight- every day- with thoughts- of not wanting to go on. I wish I still believed that things would someday get better. I'm so desperately tired. I'm so sick of being poor and stressing where food or the electric bill money will come from.
I just wanted to admit it to someone. I miss the old me... the one that had hope in the future.
Thank you for listening.
Updated post... The evening I wrote this I had been feeling so desperate for so long. I just felt like I couldn't take it any longer. I have 2 teen-aged children depending on me, one of whom is emotionally disabled. I know I have NO choice but to go on- but I am not very effective right now- I'm so mired in depression. SO...
I woke up this morning and decided to force myself to go to my doctor- who I trust and can talk to. This is a relationship I have with few in the world, my upbringing was brutally abusive and I don't tend to tell people anything (the reason I finally admitted my desperation here.) My doctor wanted to hospitalize me, which isn't an option, with my son having acute issues right now- but she did prescribe a new antidepressant and had me agree to stay in touch every week and follow up with a psychiatrist and therapist.
It felt like an enormous relief to just admit- that even though I am a mother I wanted to give up, it is so taboo as a mom to say this. I don't have a partner and I don't have a friend to share with either- so I'm grateful to have been able to find this forum. I was relieved too- just to see that someone had read my admission. I thank you- those who did. I was glad to feel a connection in the world.
Thank you. [/i][/i][/i]
I just wanted to admit it to someone. I miss the old me... the one that had hope in the future.
Thank you for listening.
Updated post... The evening I wrote this I had been feeling so desperate for so long. I just felt like I couldn't take it any longer. I have 2 teen-aged children depending on me, one of whom is emotionally disabled. I know I have NO choice but to go on- but I am not very effective right now- I'm so mired in depression. SO...
I woke up this morning and decided to force myself to go to my doctor- who I trust and can talk to. This is a relationship I have with few in the world, my upbringing was brutally abusive and I don't tend to tell people anything (the reason I finally admitted my desperation here.) My doctor wanted to hospitalize me, which isn't an option, with my son having acute issues right now- but she did prescribe a new antidepressant and had me agree to stay in touch every week and follow up with a psychiatrist and therapist.
It felt like an enormous relief to just admit- that even though I am a mother I wanted to give up, it is so taboo as a mom to say this. I don't have a partner and I don't have a friend to share with either- so I'm grateful to have been able to find this forum. I was relieved too- just to see that someone had read my admission. I thank you- those who did. I was glad to feel a connection in the world.
Thank you. [/i][/i][/i]