Post by aprildawn on May 5, 2007 13:17:03 GMT
I am 27 with a 1 year old son and Now I am getting Married. I am soo scared I know I love this man he is the love of my life. He loves me more than anything he loves my son and assumes the role of father because the real father has never been involved. The truth is I am not quite over that whole thing and I am supposed to know that it is all for the best. I do know it but I can't help but still want the guy to come asking about his child I am still very hurt by all the things that went wrong in that relationship and I just want to be able make him understand how f**ked up it was to just kick me out when he knew I was pregnant with his baby. He told people it wasn't his or he wasn't sure and all that. He said that I was controlling and had all kinds of mental problems and that I would be a horribe mother. I want to get him back. I want him to feel the pain and loneliness that I felt when I was pregnant. I want him to be ashamed and I want his family to care about their Grandchild. I know if my son got a girl pregnant even if he didn't want to know his child I would want to know that child. I wouldn't just let some poor girl carry my son's baby and totaly ignore the fact there is a kid involved. It's like the have no emotions or something they have such a wierd way of looking at things and they say it is all christianity and this is what "God" wants from them. I think they are all full of it.
So anyway I knkow my fiance' hated that I was even with this guy cause I broke up with Robb for a year to Date Asher( a guy who made me feel ugly and worthless from day 1) and it still hurts Robb's feelings that I had another man's baby. He loves me soooo much that he looks past all that he just wants to move on and be my husband and that is what I should want and to a point I do, but I can't stop thinking about Asher and how I want his life to suck and for things to go wrong to teach him a lesson in humanity. Robb is to hurt by all of this for me to talk with him about it he doesn't want to hear it cause for him the fact that my son has a father who loves him is enoughand really that is all I want to. I mean everyone tells me how I got the best thing out of it and his life will suck without his son so he gets what he deserves; but it's not something I can see or feel and I want to see this man suffer and be sad.
I am affraid that being married is going to hurt our relationship. I am affraid that we will change and I will become a horrible person. I know Robb would never leave cause he would stay in a nutsty marriage forever just cause he doesn't believe in divorce, and i don't either. I am just scared that I will take all the little things that annoy me about him and let them build it up to the point where I believe I should cheat on him. I never want to do that to him and I know I could not take it if he did it to me but people change so much over time and forever is such a long time. We have already been trough hell and back with each other so I know we should be together. I geuss I am just getting nervous and that is natural. Right?
So anyway I knkow my fiance' hated that I was even with this guy cause I broke up with Robb for a year to Date Asher( a guy who made me feel ugly and worthless from day 1) and it still hurts Robb's feelings that I had another man's baby. He loves me soooo much that he looks past all that he just wants to move on and be my husband and that is what I should want and to a point I do, but I can't stop thinking about Asher and how I want his life to suck and for things to go wrong to teach him a lesson in humanity. Robb is to hurt by all of this for me to talk with him about it he doesn't want to hear it cause for him the fact that my son has a father who loves him is enoughand really that is all I want to. I mean everyone tells me how I got the best thing out of it and his life will suck without his son so he gets what he deserves; but it's not something I can see or feel and I want to see this man suffer and be sad.
I am affraid that being married is going to hurt our relationship. I am affraid that we will change and I will become a horrible person. I know Robb would never leave cause he would stay in a nutsty marriage forever just cause he doesn't believe in divorce, and i don't either. I am just scared that I will take all the little things that annoy me about him and let them build it up to the point where I believe I should cheat on him. I never want to do that to him and I know I could not take it if he did it to me but people change so much over time and forever is such a long time. We have already been trough hell and back with each other so I know we should be together. I geuss I am just getting nervous and that is natural. Right?