Post by Undisciplined on Mar 31, 2006 9:00:51 GMT
Heh. Sometimes - I just wish I had the discipline to do what's right. To not make my mom feel sad, stressed, bitchy, panicked, suicidal...But I don't. I'm not a person like that. I'm not a guy that knows what he's gonna be yet.
So - I'm just sorta - going with things, not making my own flow and following it. Which sucks. Right now, I guess you can compare me to a sponge. I soak up angry lectures, curse words thrown at me, disappointment, depression...And I keep it. No real funnel. Probably why I punch the wall so many times. Heh. Has a few dents in it...
Just wanted to say I'm sorry, mom. You'll never know how sorry I am - you keep thinking that I don't care what happens to myself - you keep thinking that I'm not listening - that I block things out...I'm only human. I soak up everything you say, everything you do, each mistake you make, each achievement you perform. And even if you yell at me sometimes, 's'okay with me. I know it's usually my fault. So...just know that I'm sorry. And that I love you. And that I always will.
One of the few things I've realized that's solid and concrete in my life. You. And I know you won't always be there - to cook me a meal - to clean and iron my clothes when I'm busy - to tell me to fix my posture...Heh.
So...If I shed all my manly machoness, erected shields from the anger, and everything else not natural...You'll find a simple thing. The desire to succeed...and show you...I can become someone.
I love you mom. Always will. Please don't forget that.
So - I'm just sorta - going with things, not making my own flow and following it. Which sucks. Right now, I guess you can compare me to a sponge. I soak up angry lectures, curse words thrown at me, disappointment, depression...And I keep it. No real funnel. Probably why I punch the wall so many times. Heh. Has a few dents in it...
Just wanted to say I'm sorry, mom. You'll never know how sorry I am - you keep thinking that I don't care what happens to myself - you keep thinking that I'm not listening - that I block things out...I'm only human. I soak up everything you say, everything you do, each mistake you make, each achievement you perform. And even if you yell at me sometimes, 's'okay with me. I know it's usually my fault. So...just know that I'm sorry. And that I love you. And that I always will.
One of the few things I've realized that's solid and concrete in my life. You. And I know you won't always be there - to cook me a meal - to clean and iron my clothes when I'm busy - to tell me to fix my posture...Heh.
So...If I shed all my manly machoness, erected shields from the anger, and everything else not natural...You'll find a simple thing. The desire to succeed...and show you...I can become someone.
I love you mom. Always will. Please don't forget that.